elvis mcgonagall
> That Government Healthcare Policy In Full
> Carry On Up The Brexit
> Euro 2016 Haiku
> Narcissus In Bicycle Clips
> Cold Comfort
> Greece Is The Word
> Stop Yer Swithering Jock!
> Purbeck – The Enduring Isle
> Making Plans With Nigel
> No Regrets
> 53 Quid A Week
> A Bed At The Ritz
> Breaking News In Dorset Haiku
> If
> I Wanna Do The Continental
> The Queen's Speech
> An Analysis....
> You Can Call Me Dave
> Uisge Gu Leoir
> Let Them Eat Flake
> The Inexorable March of Western Cultural Hegemony
> Justice
>

The Long, Long, Long Goodbye

> This Land’s Not Your Land
> Turkey Shoot
>

A Game Of Two Halves

> Portrait Of The Hunger Artist
> Caveat Compotor
> Beale Haiku
> Bible Bashing
>

Pride & Prejudice
by Jane Austen-Powers (listen)

>

Christmas in the Country no. 1 (listen)

> I'm A Believer (listen)
> You Can Call Me Dave (listen)
> Jamie Oliver Twist (listen)

ELVIS MCGONAGALL
one man & his doggerel

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This was written in the autumn of 2006 upon hearing the result of a landmark court case in which a well-known multi-squillionaire rock star was reunited with a few items of clothing which he alleged had been taken from him by an ex-employee. What an excellent use of time and resources and a great day for the Irish legal system. Meh.

 

Justice < back

 

Sing hosannah! Sound the trumpet!
Kill the fatted calf!
Put out the bunting! Clash the cymbals!
Drink and dance and laugh!
Pay no heed to global warming
Bird flu, terrorists, Iraq
Yippee-ai-ay! It’s A Beautiful Day -
Bono’s got his stetson back!
It’s a broad-brimmed holy relic
“Symbolic” and “iconic”
High-crowned sartorial statement
“Authentic” and “ironic”
With no broncobuster’s bonnet
Bono was monochrome
A bare-headed, stack-heeled leprauchaun
Lost in rock’s enormo-dome
Cos you can’t sing stadium anthems
Full of righteous sound and fury
When your stylist’s nicked your cowboy hat
And you look like Nana Mouskouri
It’s worth every single million euros
Paid in U2’s lawyers’ fees
It’s worth days and weeks and months in court
To help poor wee billionaire grandees
For now poverty will be history
There will be peace on earth
The lamb will lie down with the lion
There’ll be joy and a new virgin birth
It’s salvation for our planet
We’re all winners, none of us losers
‘Cos he also got back two souvenir mugs
And his pair of leather troosers
They’re his troosers of philanthropy
His troosers of compassion
And if you’re going to save a continent in crisis
You gotta feel good about fashion
You can’t just wear a wristband
You need Red Armani shades
You need conspicuous consumption
Charity begins in shopping arcades
But now every little thing’s gonna be alright
Bono’s found what he was suing for
Rejoice on the plains of Africa!
There’ll be a harvest for the world and more
There’ll be rivers made out of chocolate
There’ll be mountains of ice-cream
There’ll be rainbows and skipping and puppy dogs
Love will reign supreme
So whoop and yell, hip, hip hooray
Crack open the champagne
Hallelujah brothers and sisters
It’s the end of all sorrow and pain
Now his halo shines so bright tonight
Round his special, magic hat
Yes Bono’s got his stetson back
The sanctimonious twat

copyright elvis mcgonagall, 2006

Words © Elvis McGonagall 2009-2016 | photographs © Joss Barratt & Tineke de Lange | All rights reserved | site design by michelle abadie web design