elvis mcgonagall
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The Long, Long, Long Goodbye

> This Land’s Not Your Land
> Turkey Shoot

A Game Of Two Halves

> Portrait Of The Hunger Artist
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Pride & Prejudice
by Jane Austen-Powers (listen)


Christmas in the Country no. 1 (listen)

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one man & his doggerel

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Will he never go? Fix rictus grin to face, work those glottal stops and recite.


The Long, Long, Long Goodbye < back


Let me simply say this to you
‘Cos hey, look, y’know, I’m still a pretty straight kinda guy
Parting is such sweet sorrow
So I’ll try very hard not to cry
For when the going gets tough the tough get going -
Iron ladies, men of granite
And although I’ve got to skedaddle
First of all I must save the planet
And before I up sticks, I’d like to say thanks
To the guys who gave me my break
Thanks to the director, the producers, my agent
Thanks to Gordon – no, that’s a mistake
Thanks to Alastair Campbell
Thanks to Rupert Murdoch and Rupert Bear
Thanks to Richard and Judy, Sooty and Sweep
Thanks to the bloke who cuts Cherie’s hair
Thanks to Mandelson and Berlusconi
Thanks to Starsky and Hutch
Thank you very much for the Aintree Iron
Thank you very, very, very much
Thanks to Cliff Richard, Lord Hutton, The Bee Gees
Ant and Dec, M&S, Shake and Vac
Thanks to Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew
Cuthbert, Dibble and Grub
And thanks to Captain Flack
Thank you to my family
Thanks especially to Cherie
Thank you for the music
For giving it to me
Thanks to my star-spangled chums in America
From Milwaukee down to the Mojave
Thank God for my “special relationship”
With a six-foot white rabbit called Harvey
Thank goodness, thank heavens, thank Bono
Thank the Lord that I’m always right
As the fat lady sings “Thanks for the memory”
It’s thank you and it’s goodnight
From the Number 10 closing down sale
No credit cards, only cash
I’ve got two for one on peerages
It’s the knight fever, knight fever price crash
It’s a bobby dazzler, cheap as chips
Yeah but no but yeah but everything must go
Trust, respect, admiration, me
Off out the back door to Heathrow
So cheerio to the power and the glory
The cruel world I once bestrode
Farewell My Lovely, Auf Wiedersehn Pet
Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
Arrivederci Whitehall
Adios, Sayonara, Ciao
Goodbye Mr Chips, So Long Leicester Square
It’s time to take my last bow
Because all the world’s a stage
And everyone has a part
Now I face the final curtain
With an achey-breaky heart
As I wave to my people from an open-topped bus
Singing my Songs Of Praise
Proudly wearing my Blue Peter Badge
One day you’ll say these were the days
Going, going - but not quite gone
I’ll soon hit the road, like a Rolling Stone
But whatever I do, I do it for you
And you’ll never, ever, ever walk alone
For I bequeath you my glorious legacy -
A new democratic Iraq
Rebuilt from sticky-back plastic
Squeezy bottles, cornflake packets, blue-tac
Designed by Lawrence Llewelyn-Bowen of Arabia
Changing regimes, on a camel, with a gun
We’ve installed their freedom ‘n democracy combi-boiler
underneath the sink
We’re getting the job done
It’s a stable and just loft conversion
In flaming rococo cerise
With the pink potpourri of prosperity
And the cream velvet drapes of peace
As our Groundforce army marches on
Led by General Titchmarsh of Khartoum
Afghanistan is full of flowers
Opium poppies in bloom
Yes we’re exporting western values
We will defeat the jihad
With a Tesco Metro in Kabul
And a Matalan in Baghdad
And armed with a can of Cillit Bang
I fight tyrants and terror and fear
Which is something that will go on and on
Year, after year, after year
Now my bags are packed, I’m ready to roll
The taxi is honking its horn
I’m leaving on a jet plane
For my new, glad confident dawn
Flying first-class to the Hollywood hills
Festooned in fortune and fame
Y’know I’m going to live forever
Yo Blair! Remember my name!
I am the only begotten
The Truth, the Light, the Way
I am the Great Redeemer
And I will be back one day
So hasta la vista baby
Bye-bye, toodle-pip, chin-chin
Until my second coming I leave you
With the ghost of my Cheshire Cat grin

copyright elvis mcgonagall, 2007

Words © Elvis McGonagall 2009-2016 | photographs © Joss Barratt & Tineke de Lange | All rights reserved | site design by michelle abadie web design