elvis mcgonagall
> Cold Comfort
> Greece Is The Word
> Stop Yer Swithering Jock!
> Purbeck – The Enduring Isle
> Making Plans With Nigel
> No Regrets
> 53 Quid A Week
> A Bed At The Ritz
> Breaking News In Dorset Haiku
> If
> I Wanna Do The Continental
> The Queen's Speech
> An Analysis....
> You Can Call Me Dave
> Uisge Gu Leoir
> Let Them Eat Flake
> The Inexorable March of Western Cultural Hegemony
> Justice

The Long, Long, Long Goodbye

> This Land’s Not Your Land
> Turkey Shoot

A Game Of Two Halves

> Portrait Of The Hunger Artist
> Caveat Compotor
> Beale Haiku
> Bible Bashing

Pride & Prejudice
by Jane Austen-Powers (listen)


Christmas in the Country no. 1 (listen)

> I'm A Believer (listen)
> You Can Call Me Dave (listen)
> Jamie Oliver Twist (listen)

one man & his doggerel

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If….(with apologies to Mr Kipling)



If you can keep your daddy’s trust fund while all about you
Are losing homes and jobs and blaming it on you
If you can dream of a day when compassion is taboo
When wellbeing belongs to the complacent few
If you can wear your arrogance and greed like cheap
If you can smoke cigars rolled on poverty’s thigh
If being born to rule Britannia is bred in your bone
If you can lasso power with your old school tie

If you can spread a little privilege to those in need
But let the undeserving eat pedigree chum
If you can give to a charity like Children In Tweed
But still sneer at scurvy scroungy benefit scum
If you put the boot into those shameless shirking skivers
But you can pay yourself a bonus and not laugh
If you can hymn the praises of the hard working strivers
And grovel on your knees before the golden calf

If your underpants are handmade from gilded ocelot
If your suit is cut from the cloth of others’ pain
If you can knock back martinis on an oligarch’s yacht
And buy a ticket for the corporate gravy train
If you can spend each weekend in your stately country pile
If your smooth pink well-fed cheeks tend towards the flabby
If you think comedy means Boris dancing Gangnam Style
And the apogee of art is Downton Abbey

If you believe that bolshie Marxists run the BBC
And tax avoidance is a perk of the elite
If you can take the sugar out of someone else’s tea
And transform NHS into New Harley Street
If you can really milk the system for all that it’s worth
If you know you’ve won the race before it’s even run
Then - you’ll have the whole world in your wallet, yours is the Earth
And - you’ll be a selfish Tory bastard my son

copyright elvis mcgonagall, 2013
Words © Elvis McGonagall 2009-2015 | photographs © Joss Barratt & Tineke de Lange | All rights reserved | site design by michelle abadie web design