elvis mcgonagall
> Cold Comfort
> Greece Is The Word
> Stop Yer Swithering Jock!
> Purbeck – The Enduring Isle
> Making Plans With Nigel
> No Regrets
> 53 Quid A Week
> A Bed At The Ritz
> Breaking News In Dorset Haiku
> If
> I Wanna Do The Continental
> The Queen's Speech
> An Analysis....
> You Can Call Me Dave
> Uisge Gu Leoir
> Let Them Eat Flake
> The Inexorable March of Western Cultural Hegemony
> Justice

The Long, Long, Long Goodbye

> This Land’s Not Your Land
> Turkey Shoot

A Game Of Two Halves

> Portrait Of The Hunger Artist
> Caveat Compotor
> Beale Haiku
> Bible Bashing

Pride & Prejudice
by Jane Austen-Powers (listen)


Christmas in the Country no. 1 (listen)

> I'm A Believer (listen)
> You Can Call Me Dave (listen)
> Jamie Oliver Twist (listen)

one man & his doggerel

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Making Plans With Nigel back


Rise up Britain with St Nigel of Farage
Freedom fighter for rich white blokes
Che Guevara in a Barbour jacket
Spartacus with Alf Garnett jokes

A frothing pint of Olde Bigot landlord
A small sherry is the little lady’s drink
Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, call a spade a spade
I’m not racial but I say what I think

The fuzzy-wuzzies don’t like it up ‘em
Chortle, chuckle, have another gin
The wretched refuse on our teeming shores
Is the white man’s burden Gunga Din

Polish plumbers nicking British people’s vowels
Romanian gypos stealing our kebabs
Lithuanians coming through our cat-flaps
Bulgarian lesbos driving minicabs 

Fundamental Muslamist halal Wombles
Eating gay hummus and picking up our litter
Austrian transvestites growing British beards
Swedish detectives swigging Morse’s bitter

Angela Merkin? Auf wiedersehn pet
Eine volk! Eine reich! Eine Farage!
Liberte! Hostilite! Beyonce! Chardonnay!
Ooh la la Monsieur Nigel Fromage!

Walking on the water, fag in hand
Little England’s personal Moses
Spreading his bile on this scepter’d isle
Everywhere he shits is coming up roses

By jingo he’ll build Jerusalem
In this jaundiced yellow, angry purple land
Life will be cakes and ale and beer and skittles
Olive oil and garlic will be banned

We’ll eat corned beef and cold spotted dick
With a boiled cabbage gloomy Sunday yawn
We’ll all Morris dance in our cardboard boots
On invincible suburban lawns

Marching forward to yesterday’s Eden
Cycling backwards on a Tour de Farce
Cry adios and toodle-pip then Europe
As our island disappears up its arse

copyright elvis mcgonagall
may 2014

Words © Elvis McGonagall 2009-2015 | photographs © Joss Barratt & Tineke de Lange | All rights reserved | site design by michelle abadie web design