elvis mcgonagall
> Cold Comfort
> Greece Is The Word
> Stop Yer Swithering Jock!
> Purbeck – The Enduring Isle
> Making Plans With Nigel
> No Regrets
> 53 Quid A Week
> A Bed At The Ritz
> Breaking News In Dorset Haiku
> If
> I Wanna Do The Continental
> The Queen's Speech
> An Analysis....
> You Can Call Me Dave
> Uisge Gu Leoir
> Let Them Eat Flake
> The Inexorable March of Western Cultural Hegemony
> Justice

The Long, Long, Long Goodbye

> This Land’s Not Your Land
> Turkey Shoot

A Game Of Two Halves

> Portrait Of The Hunger Artist
> Caveat Compotor
> Beale Haiku
> Bible Bashing

Pride & Prejudice
by Jane Austen-Powers (listen)


Christmas in the Country no. 1 (listen)

> I'm A Believer (listen)
> You Can Call Me Dave (listen)
> Jamie Oliver Twist (listen)

one man & his doggerel

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The Queen’s Speech



My government will meet the aspirations of the nation
Introducing legislation to promote regeneration

Who writes this stuff? It’s so mundane
It’s my speech – let’s start again

Word up you commoners, serfs and tramps
I’m that woman from off off the stamps

Yo! Rule Brittannia! Sing hosanna!
Don’t anybody dare mention Diana

I’m the pearly queen, I’m England’s rose
You’s my bitches, you’s my ho’s

Castles, palaces, livin’ it large
Diamond-studded golden barge

21st century Cleopatra
Bessie in da big house comin’ at ya

Floating up the Thames in me royal flotilla
Why’s that horse in a hat? Oh no – it’s Camilla

Curtsy, bow, kowtow, grovel
Fly a little flag from your ghastly hovel

Flap those tea-towels, swing from the bunting
Pour me a gin – let’s go hunting

We’re the Windsor posse one cannot quarrel
Shoot some peasants at Balmoral

(Terribly sorry that should be “pheasants” not “peasants” –
Freudian slip)

I got the guns, I got the bling
The Prince of Biscuits will never be king

Prince Will.i.am is the family mascot
Hats on homies big it up at Ascot

Fo shizzle my nizzle – pardon one’s French
We diss Helen Mirren and Judi Dench

I’m Her Majesty – they’re absurd
Give me an Oscar – I’m James Bond’s bird

Cut some ribbons, shake some hands
Sit through another boring military band

Wave, wave, wave, wave, wave
Wave, wave, wave, wave, wave

Oh Christ! Cliff Richard! Pass the paracetemol
Bring on the dancing corgis - so much better LOL

And don’t complain about the language –
It’s my fucking English – have another sandwich

Build me a yacht, roast me a swan
Bring me the head of bloody Elton John

Behold my crown – see it dazzle
Prince Harry says Andrew’s a bit of a vajazzle

Get down with the youth, ignore all syntax
Like, y’know, whatever, everybody chillax

Just sack a few butlers in times of austerity
One never cared for Burrell – far too ferrety

Headscarf, tweeds and a sensible brogue
Don’t just stand there Philip – c’mon vogue!

Cheer up Broken Britain, it’s my jubilee
God won’t help you – he’s busy saving me

copyright elvis mcgonagall, 2012


Words © Elvis McGonagall 2009-2016 | photographs © Joss Barratt & Tineke de Lange | All rights reserved | site design by michelle abadie web design